I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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