singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
