Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
