Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
