I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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