he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
