apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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