What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
