I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
