..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
