sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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