im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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