I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
