I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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