how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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