You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
