I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
