My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
