Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
