Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
