somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
