So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
