this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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