I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
