There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
