false alarm. still invincible.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
