Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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