I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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