R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
