we're chasing vodka with high fives
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
