Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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