1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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