the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
