If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
