I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
