Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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