Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
