Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
