my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
