I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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