I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
