i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
