Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
