this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
