@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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