So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
