don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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