you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm too high and old for this...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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