I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
