im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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