he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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