He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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