They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
