We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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